I am just feeling so paranoid and worried about EVERYTHING. Whenever I've been pregnant, I always "felt" pregnant...somehow kind of off or something. And since last friday, I don't have that feeling anymore. I also had a little lower back pain that seems to be gone now. It concerns me that I've somehow had a missed miscarriage or something. And I can't get in to the Dr. until the 17th. It is making me crazy.
And if things are fine and there aren't any problems, then why is it that I don't have any normal pregnancy symptoms? I feel like that is a bad sign, that if I am indeed still pregnant, pre-e/HELLP is just lingering and looming in my future, waiting to strike-hard.
I don't know how people cope with subsequent pregnancies after HELLP. This is truly enough to drive a person mad. I want to have myself a good cry right now but am fighting it and trying my best to stay mellow. (If I am still pregnant, I don't want to cause the fetus any harm!)
And of course Mother's Day will be here tomorrow, and that is a sore spot for me. Was a mother but am not now...don't know if I ever will be, don't know if that day will ever not "hurt" for me. :~(
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