It's been awhile..

It's been awhile since I've posted on here, so I thought I'd post an update!  Our son is almost 9 months old now, and doing just fine!  I am doing fine as well!  No bp issues or anything..I've had a few heart palpaltations every now and again, but I'm hoping that they are harmless and aren't an indicator of anything.  My hubby and I have discussed whether we would try one more time..right now that possibility is looking pretty bleak...we're both just too afraid to head down that road again.  Maybe down the line we will change our minds, but I don't know...

We just feel so very blessed to have our babe and to have had a positive outcome with this go around.  I think we both wonder if we'd be pressing our luck to try again..
It's so unfair that anyone would have to endure such horrible things and have to deal with pre-e and HELLP.  And to lose a child...that is the worst.

I still feel the pain of losing our first born..I feel it every day.  And I almost think my husband has been hit harder with it lately for some reason.  (It hit me hardest right after it happened, and I think for whatever reason, it's beencoming back and hitting him hard more recently)  As for me, my mind has been more occupied now, so I don't think about it as much...however, it is always there and always will be.  We hold a special place in our hearts for him, and miss him every day.

We are grateful for his brother, and cherish each and every moment spent with him.  He is our miracle baby.

I have some PTSD from what happened.  I am very cautious and worry a lot...I hate how HELLP has affected me.  I try not to let things get to me, but I feel scared that something could happen to myself or my loved ones.  I'm doing my best to get past that....one day at a time.

I hope that this blog can help those of you who have gone through a similar experience and wish to try again.  That you can see that things CAN work out ok, and that there are chances to have a beautiful rainbow baby.